Memories of End
by Atsuumi Yuuki
Summary: Not all of the flowers that sprouted in spring will last till autumn. Life is just in the same scenerio.' A scene of life through a Byakko seishi's point of view, from the happiest of times to great achievement and from losses to goodbyes.
1. Chapter 1: A Memory Revived

Chapter 1: A Memory Unearthened

'Twas twilight that time, the same time I smell liquor from a distance. At first I thought maybe father was done drinking with his friends. I thought it'd be the same as four years ago, when mother carressed me in her arms, gently assuring me that I was no different with any other child. That I wasn't weird and that all I have is special birthmark on my left shoulder. But no, it wasn't. It was never going to be the same. For this time I know, this will be the last time my life will be normal.

Father came home that moment, drunk again as usual. Mother told me to go outside and play with the other children and I did. My thoughts at the time were perhaps mother would just tell father off again. She'd ask father if he cares about us at all. Father would then grab her by the wrist and thug her close to him. Afterwards, he'd snap at her and after a few moments they'd come out and tell me to come in again. But then just as I reminisced the somewhat bittersweet memories in my head, the sound of someone falling down hard echoed throughout a certain radius of the area. I then heard father call for me. At that time, I felt a lump of dread go through me as I try to fortell what he might do.

As I went to him, he immediately clutched my collar and pinned me to the wall. His eyes were as cold as snow storm when he glared at me. He then pulled the cloth near my left shoulder down and glanced at it as if trying to bear holes into it. I cringed. I never thought father's eyes could be so cold and unforgiving. Tears began falling down my face as I saw father had a blade in his other hand. "You know," he said. "I'd have loved you better if only you weren't born with that wrenched mark!" As soon as he said those words, He clutched the blade hard and tried to stab my left shoulder. But then, Mother came to my rescue and pushed father away and freed me from his grasp. "Run! Quick! Run before your father stands up again!" shouted my mother as she led me out of the house as fast as she could. As much as I want to hesitate, I still obeyed her, though only half-heartedly, and ran as far from the house as I could.

From a distance, I have seen father come out of the house and started shouting at mother. I knew he was after me and I subconsciously craved to fix the situation and so I ran towards them. Father then pushed mother away and lunged at me as if I were some demon about to strike. Mother then got in his way and he stabbed her at the back. "Mama!" I cried as I saw her fall to the ground. I have known for so long that mother was sick and that her health might turn for the worst one day. But I never expected that father himself would be the one to strike mother down. As I stared in shock from the previously traumatizing scene, father then tried stabbing me straight at the heart. I then realized that my own father really did want to kill me. I had no choice but to run and try to evade him for as long as I can. It was already much of a pain to live on and fight. Let alone fighting and fleeing to survive.

As I reached the far edges of our village, I saw an angry mob surrounding me. There in that crowd was everyone I knew including Meiyi, the sole child in our village chosen to become a concubine of our country's emperor. If I recall right, she confessed her undying love to me. We were young. In fact, too young...as young as 4-year-olds can be. I did have some feelings for her but I just disregarded it for I knew that incest was a dreaded taboo even amongst us in our village. I know fully well too that love was still not in front of my footsteps. "Dian hui", she said in her low gentle tone. "I can explain..." What is there for her to explain? I know they all seek my death. "They...they wanted to kill you, a celestial warrior...I tried hard to ward them away but they wouldn't...listen..." Her eyes were filled with tears as she said those words. But what can I do? I am merely an 8-year-old at the time afterall. "Kill him! Kill that devil's child," they all chanted. "Send him to the depths of hell!"

I knew not what to do then. Everything was happening too fast. First I see my father stab my mother in front of me and in the next moment everyone I know is trying to kill me. As if I did not belong to their village at all. The villagers knew not of my anxiety. They wouldn't care any more than they would if I were dead anyway. All they did was sharpen their tools and glared at me with disgust as if I were a vile creature of the desolate mountains. I couldn't take it anymore and that was what I knew for sure.

As the last bit of agonizing memories hit me, I felt a sudden surge of energy rushing within me. It was a great feeling. Probably as great as one might feel if he were high with drugs. I didn't know and the more I cared less. I felt I could just leave everything in a moment and finally relax and forget. The next thing I knew, there was blood everywhere and everything reeked of the smell of metal. The aura of the place changed all of the sudden. There were dead bodies everywhere even that I my beloved cousin. I looked around me and feel not a heartbeat at all. This so-called blessed gift from the foreign god my mother told me, has caused the lives of everyone in my life. I knew pretty well it was my fault and it was the pain that it brought that made me realize that the great things in life would not last forever.


	2. Chapter 2: A Pass Through Dream Avenue

Chapter 2: A Pass through Dream Avenue

I awoke from that timeless memory in a dazed state. The days seemed dull and dreary but for a moment my mind was buzzing with unexpressed thoughts and feelings. 'Where am I? What the hell happened? How badly did I screw up this time?' were the first thoughts expressed fully in my half-conscious mind. I then tried lifting myself to my feet but an excruciating pain met my senses at the time I even tried sitting up. "Damn...it..." was the only small curse I could muster to utter at the time as my hands pried out of the blankets, hoping to take hold of my abdomen which started shouting for assylum. I then tried recalling the events that occured recently to find out why I feel so out of my mind. Bits of previous events then came into life through a blank canvass and showed me the horrible mess I've gotten myself into and how I felt the darkness seep into the deepest recessions of my soul as I fell to the ground. A 20-year-old's body can only take so much and I knew more than everyone else that I exceeded that said limit as I slowly took refuge back onto my bed.

I then stared at the ceiling of the tent I'm in. 'It's too plain,' I thought. 'It needs some work.' Doubt then came over to me as I thought of it. I don't think anyone would be able to change the design of the ceiling of my tent unless I approved of them doing so. Even then, how would one place an ornament all the way up there? Would it hold? And even if it didn't fall if placed there dangling for me to admire at nights when sleep wouldn't caress me in her arms, what would I ever think of placing there to make it look more homely in appearance? I doubt a nice porcelain ornament would hold stay dangled there for so long. Let alone, even if it were to hold, where would I get a skilled sculptor to make me a nice lantern-like ornament to place there? Not just that, how sure am I that the sculptor would not cheat me out of it and give me some low-quality merchandise?

As I pondered on about where I could get such a gifted and nice sculptor to make my mini lantern-like chandelier, the cold then came in with all its icy wrath. Its fierce prowess slowly crept onto me like that of those hundreds of incubi that have brought the end to my innocence and virginity. I could bear the feeling no longer. It's as if the cold which used to comfort my soul is now causing me to slowly freeze inside out. The cold was an ally but now a traitor in disguise. I felt like I reached the nadir of my dilemna till I sensed my mind slowly starting to shut itself off again. "Damn..." I bit my lip as I felt the darkness grabbing onto me again. "...I guess I still can't stay awake...that...long..." I then weakly glanced at the door. There I saw a frail but stern young man and a quite gentle young woman by the door. Though I saw them both, I mainly focused on the man and a thought then suddenly came to mind. 'Great...Kagasuki saw me awake...I wonder how long a mass he'll give me this time,' I then felt a smile crawl weakly onto my lips. "...Yeah...I guess I really did screwed up again...big time..." I whispered softly as the dark entered my view and grew closer and closer. I saw him give me a disapproving look before my consciousness waivered again.

_The vibrant blanket of ebony is cast amast up in the sky. There then came to view an abandoned room which reeked of blood's perfume. Men with demonic wings then came by the hundreds through the door. All of them filled with grim intent as they glanced at my location. I tried to move but couldn't for I was held down by a thing I know not what it may be. Everything went black and there was not a sound made. As a pause of eternity's breath came over me, I then felt tens of hundreds of hands upon me along with their tongues, teeth and lips on me. It was a horrifying scene if one were to picture it. Unfortunately I was given no chance of witnessing it. Instead I became the victim as horrors of my childhood came to light as I felt this treacherous feeling come upon me. One would want to scream or call for help at moments like this. I could not do so though especially since I felt something silence my plea by covering my mouth with another._

I suddenly woke up as that last event took place. My heart was pumping wildly as the remnants of the dream came to life before my eyes. It was something women would cry and kill themselves about. It was something that even the bravest of men might not be able to face fully throughout the generations. A thousand incubi upon your body, touching every single spot there is, toying with thy special organ as if wanting you to ejaculate for them to lick the contents excreted, it was a nightmare which knows no bonds. I then peered under my pillow and was able to smell the familiar awkward odor that comes with the pains of horrible memories. "Tch, now everyone will think I'm masturbating in my sleep," I hissed as I looked upon the mess I made with my sheets. If I didn't know any better I would've thought I urinated on my bed.

I could've cursed myself all day if I wanted but the mere thought of people seeing wet sheets and me with it would mean risking a reputation I worked so hard to keep. But just when I thought it was really the familiar odor which I excreted, I noticed that there was a difference to it. I looked closely and saw that the fluid was crimson and had the scent of iron. "Damn...I'm bleeding and I even mistook it for something else," I muttered under my breath. "and to think it were semen too...tch, I must already be losing my mind." I then tried checking myself for any open wounds. At first I saw nothing but my chest down to my abdomen's side covered in blood. I then looked closer only to see that I had blood gushing out of my right side. I flinched. It was the first time in days that I noticed that and yet why haven't I died? "Seiryuu-sama, please tell me you're not cursing me an eternity's worth of pain just because Byakko bargained for my soul."

"Are you alright?" said a voice whom I knew was owned by no other.

"Totaki," I gasped as I hurriedly dropped my blanket to cover my bloody side. "What made you drop by---"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" his voice suddenly raised, enough to make me tremble.

"You've been out cold for 3 days! How can I not visit you..."

His voice then trailed off. I then finally got a proper glimpse at him. His fluffy white hair seemed to have gotten a bit dirty. His clothes were changed but it felt as if he still didn't want to do so. His mind was racing and his thoughts were fleeting so silently that no mortal could make out what was going on in the pedestal of his memories. On the other hand, his feelings were only of one distinct object, anxiety. Anyone who wasn't blind knew that he hasn't slept nor ate properly for days and anyone who knew him better could decipher that his anxiety is that for a friend that slept so soundly for days but was really thought to be fighting with death. I then bit my lip as a pang of guilt slammed itself onto my face. 'I must've really worried him...maybe I should apologize...'

"Totaki, I---"

"Save it for the funeral pyre," His voice was rough yet trembling. "Thank god you're alive." he said as he lunged himself at me for a heart warming hug.

"Totaki..."

I couldn't think of anything to say. Words seemed to fall back to the pit of my throat as I try to say anything else. His emotions are infectious and I couldn't do a thing about it. I feel like I've hit a clay brick wall whenever I stared at his teary eyes. 'He's still young after all. The concept of death and dying is something any mortal and immortals like us would fear for, may it be for ourselves or for those close to us. Loss is a the vortex that sucks everything up into nothingness and all it leaves is grief and emptiness.'

I then felt him let go of me. He then stared at me and stood back up. I heard him utter some words but I could not recall what they were. All I knew was he looked happy again and the heaviness of his anxiety waver. He then went out of my tent but peered into it one more time as if for one last time, as if to be sure I was really there. I then felt light-headed and my eye lids heavy. It was a long day and maybe my body's telling me to take a rest. I then tugged at my blanket and turned to a side. A sharp pain came but I was just numb towards it. 'I don't give a damn about your pain right now...I got my sweet mistress to take that away from me...' were my last thoughts before I fell back into the world of dreams.


	3. Chapter 3: To Cast Away the Mistress

Chapter 3: Pushing Away the Mistress of Dreams

_A thousands of bees buzzing from afar coming closer to me with the noise growing louder and steadier but then grew silent as a gust of wind blew and touched my face. The wind was cold and icy but seemed to toy with my senses. A blinding light then shone itself to me and whispered some chant no words would come to explain. The longer it droned on the louder it sounded. It seemed to go on for an eternity's blink when I felt a painful wrenching pain at my right side. A pool of crimson then started to surround me. My view grew crimson and then words can't seem to escape my lips. My limbs made no movement nor struggle at all. I was like a doll just slowly sinking into the crimson water. A silk cloth then looped itself around my neck, slowly squeezing the life out of my already limp body. I couldn't breathe but as if to make sure I couldn't, it threw a part of it over half of my face with only my eyes left uncovered. I struggled to remove the cloth but my limbs stayed in their respective places, not moving an inch at all, as if bound to the spot. Darkness then slowly started engulfing my sight. 'I guess I'm going to die.' were my only thoughts at the time. _

Time then stopped and I awoke from my dream. My heart raced as thoughts ran marathons in my mind. The mistress must've wanted me to enter eternal slumber was the first thing that got out of my puzzled consciousness. Awkwardly though I still felt like I'm being suffocated and the pool of crimson was still there. 'Think Dian Hui Think! How the hell can there still be...' Reality then gently hit itself on me like a flying boulder would towards my head as I remembered I had a huge deep cut that I laid down on before dozing off. Not to mention the fact that the reason why my body made no motion was because the blanket and the sheets entwined me the same way I would order my soldiers to restrain a mad man that's deemed to dangerous to not execute. Voices then came from outside of my tent. I got so engrossed in making out whose voices they were that I totally forgot I'm still on some pool of blood while bound and gagged by my own blanket and other sheets. And the thing was, I know for sure that at the very least one of them would come in to check on me.

"Come on! Let's check on him," said a woman in near her coming-of-age. "I hope he hasn't forgotten us or anything."

"Don't talk like that," snapped another female voice from the background. "Totaki said he recognized him. And besides, I doubt he'd forget us."

"I doubt that's the issue," said another man from outside. "He didn't even hurt his head from the fall."

"Can you all try to be not so feisty?" said the voice of our dear priestess. "It wouldn't help anything if we all just argued here."

"Suzuno is right. We musn't be arguing so much," said a compatriot whose voice my mind could never forget. "Besides, Dian might be wide awake right now sitting up straight and expecting us with his brown beady eyes."

I could've taken that statement as a total insult if only I wasn't so concentrated on the fact I have to untie myself lest I want them to see me like this. Not to mention seeing them freak out and afterwards question me to no end about how I got into this predicament is no help at all. As I thought of the possible impending consequences that might occur, my left arm jerked to the wrong direction and got itself twisted painfully along with the restraints which got tighter and more constricting, making it more difficult for me to breathe. At the same time the cut on my right side rubbed against the rough side of the cloth too swiftly that its pain was brought up onto a higher and more excruciating level. I tried to hold back my scream of agony but I fell short a few moments. Luckily I was gagged or else that scream of mine would have been totally audible from outside.

"Now now everyone. We should all tone down our voices and come in one by one," said the voluptuous female figure standing right outside the entrance of my safe haven. "At least that way we won't startle him."

"You can startle anyone even without intending to." said the stern voice whom I was apparently sure that that will be the same voice I'll be hearing that's going to give me a long mass later.

"What did you just say?!" Subaru bellowed as I saw her shadow turn to face the person behind her. "Just because you're a scholar that doesn't mean you can backsass me you snobby bastard!"

I could tell for sure that Kagasuki got Subaru pissed right now. For her to curse so discreetly at this time of day was awkward unless she were facing a bunch of ugly buffoons who want to have hardcore sex with her. Not that I knew what time of day it is but usually when the shade of light that enters my tent were a tad dim like right now, hearing her cuss on and on against someone else had a probability of 1%. The more it is less likely to happen while she was with Kagasuki. Even if those two were of cold blood in terms of gettting along, I never heard them argue amongst themselves before.

"Well then I guess a woman such as yourself should know better than to shout curses in front of an injured man's tent," Kagasuki hissed back at the time-manipulator. "And maybe if you could persuade him to allow you to heal him as well as you can charm those simple-minded men of yours to becoming your slaves than I'd be more appreciative of your hardwork."

"Look who's talking," snapped back Subaru as she rudely pointed at Kagasuki. "You were the one who said you'd persuade him to allow me to even _touch_ him! And you know what? Even you can't talk your way into his hard head!"

"Hmph! Well it'd be easier for me if you didn't act like a total wretch when you two first met! I mean a celestial warrior to actually flirt with another celestial warrior she just met," he scoffed. It appears they're both glaring daggers at one another. "Let alone leaving a bad expression about the people in Xilang in general, how foolish."

"Damn son of a---"

"Quit it you two," snapped the priestess at her seishi (celestial warrior). "Fighting won't get anywhere! And besides, don't you two feel ashamed of yourselves especially you Subaru. You two just started a scene in Amefuri's camp and we're just visitors here that are allowed to stay due to his permission. If it weren't for him those soldiers would've killed us by now," she sweetly reprimanded the both of them.

For once I was amazed. To think that such a young girl like her was able to both shout and reprimand those two and bring out the actual point or reason on why they could still stay here, it was like listening to a magistrate talking.

"Pardon my bluntness dear priestess but I believe _you_ just made yourself _part_ of the so-called scene you said we've started," said Kagasuki venomously at her. "And besides, I'm sure he's enjoying every moment of this. Right Amefuri?"

I was surprised. How did he know I was listening? Was I that obvious? Did he know I'm supposedly struggling out of this mess I got myself into? As I pondered upon which of those statements could be answered, I felt them edging closer to my tent. Panic then came over and I then started to struggle like a butterfly trying to get out of its chrysalis. Just as I was 1/4 way out of my binds, _they_ came in.

"Oh my fucking god!" was the first shriek I received from my dear ally Subaru. Her expression was that of a cat thoroughly upset. The others were equally as dumbstruck as they saw the huge pool of blood beneathe me. Our priestess was horrified. Ekie was covering her mouth in shock. Totaki had his jaws drop and Kagasuki's eyes widened. It seemed only Tatara was the first to recover and even noticed my current predicament.

"Here let me help you," he said he gently moved the cloth away from my laceration and removed the cover of my face.

He worked fast too. His thin long hands worked its way through the sheets like a spider would to weave its web. His long amber brown hair trailed down to his chest same with his bangs on the right side that seemed to stream down to his chin but that didn't bother him at all at his work. After a few moments with his help, I finally again gained the liberty to use my limbs and my neck.

"Thanks," I said whilst rubbing my sore neck. "I would've never been able to get free without your help."

"You're welcome," he said as he folded the sheets and placed it on one side. He then paused as if to try to recall what he was to say then he inquired:

"How'd that wound end up so deep anyway? The last time we saw that, you said it was nothing and after that we had to wait for an hour for you back here..." both his eyebrows then met with ripples on the bridge of his nose in the middle of it both. "...And only to find out that you fainted on us while going half-way here...We were worried sick. Due to that, would you now care to explain to us what really happened?"

I was taken aback. For Tsuonie I mean Tatara to ask me of why is something different. Usually he'd be the one to tell everyone else that I'll be okay. He's even the one who acts as the pacifist and tries to cheer everyone on IF and only IF he wasn't so concentrated with the priestess. Maybe I really did worry him sick. Now that I mentioned it, he looked like he had the eyes of a panda. So for sure even he didn't get enough sleep either.

Everyone's eyes are now on me. They all seemed curious to know why. In fact, they looked like they kill me if I don't say so. 'Should they really know? Must I bother them with my problems? I guess they deserve an explanation since I worried them so much. Am I really ready to tell them?' Those were the questions going on in my mind at the time. But the silence was unnerving and tried to pry the information out of me.

"Fine I'll tell you. " I finally uttered. I took a deep breath and started. "remember when the rogues and marauders came to infiltrate camp? We were all busy handling parts of them. It just so happened that while fighting I received a blow to my waist and a huge cut from some rusted axe. I tried my best to avoid it but as you all know I don't like using my abilities. It's against my principles as a man of Judong...but I guess that's no excuse huh." I then turned to the priestess and made a low bow. "' truly apologize for worrying you. I promise it won't happen again."

She was silent but she as a reply, she smiled and nodded. 'I guess that worked,' I thought. 'Now to face Kagasuki.'

_Author's Notes: It's been awhile since I updated this so sorry for the wait (if ever anyone is reading this). I'll be using the Jap names in the next chapter especially since the usage of chinese names for places and people can be utterly confusing. Please review and criticize as you wish (just no flaming)._


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